I'm Tired...

I'm tired of making sense of all these words thrown at me. I'm tired of the constant nagging caused by your silence. I'm tired of being all by myself, alone, a leftover of "us."

I'm tired of not knowing what's on your mind, what are you hiding from me, what do you tell others about me. What do you want, or want not from me.

I'm tired of waiting, for the day, when we will talk and smile and laugh about all the silliness we've been through. When did we stop being silly together anyway? Why did that have to happen?

I'm tired of not knowing what makes you happy anymore. What makes me happy anymore anyway? Do you ever think of that? Do you ever lie down in bed thinking "what makes her happy?"

I'm tired of being the only one who makes an effort, to let you know I care. To make you feel valued, important. I'm tired of not knowing what you even think about my efforts.

I'm tired of waiting, for a sign to let me know what I mean to you. That never comes, and I just sit here and wait.

I'm tired of being scared that my whole world might come crashing down any moment. That all this is just a dream and sooner than later, I will have to wake up and face a harsh reality. There is no one to reflect against. I don't know where I'm headed.

I'm tired of waiting for someone to come along and be what I wanted you to be. To be what you were supposed to be.

I'm being pulled into the abyss that your absence has created. I'm looking at you, to save me from being swallowed by it, but you are too busy or you don't know or you don't care.

I'm tired and scared that I may not survive this. I'm more scared that I won't remain the same if I do survive this. I'm worried about what that will do, to "us."

I'm tired, of thinking, of waiting, of being...

Love, again?!

When you understand love, but don't want to fall in it again.

"Not wanting love" doesn't happen overnight, does it?

You have already been in love, perhaps too many times, too strongly, too weirdly, too unexpectedly. So when it hits you, you weren't prepared. And when it leaves, you can't bring yourself to fall again, can you?

You didn't know what was about to hit you. All you knew was that it felt great. So great that you had never felt that way before. You opened up, completely, unabashedly, totally and let love take over your entire being.

They entered your mind, heart, body and soul and you let them, opening more, crossing all your lines, never stopping. They seeped in, deep inside, so deep that even you were never aware of the places they touched and caressed within you.

You became the desert that craved their rain, the forest that needed their fire, the petals on which their loves tayed over like a dewdrop.

And you loved being loved. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed. You, him/her and your love.

The whole world was just an aberration, a distraction from the love you had. At best, everything else was an accessory, to heighten your feelings and add to it.

So what happens when this love is taken away from you?

You fall. Hard.

The oxygen you've been breathing has been cut off. You've been thrown in an ocean but you had never learned to swim because you thought they'd never let you go/drown. But now what...

You manage. You struggle. You learn to swim in the indifference, in the love-lessness...

So now, you've learned all about love. But do you want to fall in love again?

I leave it up to you to decide that :)