Saturday, August 11, 2018

When death reminds you to live...

Usually, the current is too strong. I get carried away without asking it where it is taking me. Every single day, I think I will pause, I will reclaim my life and yet, I don't. I can't. I'm just on some autopilot, going through a mindless existence. Just following a wake up, survive, go to sleep routine.

But one of these days, on an evening walk - I suddenly stopped. It hit me hard, that one day, I won't be walking here. I will really be gone forever. Never to come back and look at these trees, this sky, this path, breathe in this fresh air...  (also never to tweet!)

In fact I’ve perhaps already lived half of my life. Although nobody knows the exact day/date they'll leave this world behind, I've surely reached the general agreed upon "middle age" so to speak. But this post is not about mid-life crisis. I will save that for later.

Coming back to that moment, ever since then, I’ve been thinking about how short life is. No, I mean it really is short. All the past years that you have "lived" are just memories right now.  They are already over. Right now, they don't exist. So all your life - so far - is just a memory and its highlights can perhaps be remembered in a few minutes. 

And this is not even about "life is right now in this present moment thing." Which as any self-help guru will tell you - is a great thing in itself.

But this is just about stopping and pondering over the fact that "I will die one day." That one day - I simply will be gone. 

And all the drama will stop with that. 

Everything that keeps me up at night - will be gone too. There won't be any need for me to stress over work, family, responsibilities, regrets, guilts, fear...

However, much as I feel afraid of death, it also thrills me in a way. 

Isn't it thrilling that whatever life is left - is "actually still left?" I still get a chance to choose to spend it in the way I want (and make some more mistakes!). I still have the option to stop whatever I'm doing and do something else completely.

How easily we tend to forget that our time here is limited. 

Maybe, death can remind us to "live..." 

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